I’m a mess...

I was super excited as well as my husband when we found out we were having a baby. I got it confirm d by the doctor with a little bean and the little beans heart beat and they said the heart beat isn’t good. They don’t know if it’s a viable pregnancy my heart sank. I was told to come back in 3 weeks for another viability scan. So I’m waiting for my viability scan and a week before I could see if baby was doing okay I started bleeding I broke down in tears and I couldn’t breathe we went in the next day for an ultrasound I knew it wasn’t good there was no heartbeat on the screen and baby was measuring exactly the same as it was 2 weeks ago. I wasn’t trying to get my hopes up but I wanted that baby to be okay I wanted that baby’s heart to beat so bad I would have done anything. Then they confirmed a miscarriage and yesterday I passed my beautiful baby. I never knew it could be so so hard. I’ve had 3 miscarriages and it just gets harder every time and I hate that sometimes life is so cruel. Every time I see posts on Facebook or Instagram about ultrasounds announcing healthy little baby it hurts so much more. Why couldn’t that have been me 😔