When you’re growing up and planning your wedding, you don’t plan on when you’re getting a divorce. When you walk down the aisle to the man you were going to love forever, you’re not thinking about the divorce. A divorce is not something I ever planned on, but here i am anyways.

I left in February. My marriage broke down for the year before that. So things haven’t been good for a while. But I still never thought that would be me. I feel like a failure, I feel like I’m judged. I feel like I’m the one that’s looked at as making the marriage fail since I’m the one who finally left, when he was the one who caused the end. He’s the one who cheated, lied, belittled and blamed. And even though I did this to make myself happy, I’m the one who cries myself to sleep at night mourning the loss of the life I tried to build for us. I’m the one who is stuck trying to file for divorce in the middle of a pandemic, but cant because that pandemic shut down my court system. I’m the one who left my home, my life, because I couldn’t afford our home on my own. But he’s happy, he moved on within weeks, and moved her in shortly after that. And here I am, emotionally exhausted and broken.

I knew going in to my marriage that things were going to be difficult. Everyone tells you it isn’t easy. But it’s even harder when the marriage is over and you’re the only one who grieves for it. Im trying to look for the light at the end, but it’s really hard to see it lately