Would this annoy you?

My boyfriend is pretty insecure, we’ve been together for a year. Not in a bad controlling way, he’s the sweetest guy ever, he’s just insecure in himself. Today we were supposed to meet (lockdown has ended where I live) but he got sick and I told him to stay home to get better and I can see him tomorrow instead. He said he was sorry loads of times and that he feels like he dissapoonted me and I just reassured him saying you haven’t, just get some rest and now he texted me saying “I feel like I’ve annoyed you”. He always does this, whenever the slightest inconvenience comes up he keeps saying things like that and it’s driving me fucking nuts. You haven’t annoyed me but you saying you feel like you have, it will. Like just move on from it damn it I reassure him everytime and he keeps doing it it’s just getting on my nerves 🙄

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To

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This is a common thing people do when they’ve been emotionally abused. This is something that I’ve struggled with myself. I apologize for everything multiple times. And then apologize for apologizing. It’s gotten much better over time, he’s been patient and understanding. There are times it gets to him but we usually talk through everything.

Wa

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No, because I think behavior like that comes from trauma related to the past and for some people it takes longer for someone to develop trust. Me and my spouse were both that way at first, but over time we learned to trust and that our past doesn’t have to affect our future. We’ve been together ten years now and neither of this have any problems like that any more.

Me

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I understand it could be irritating to hear it over and over but if hes that insecure and you know that you want this for the long term, you just have to be patient. I was/am the insecure one in my marriage and sometimes I just need a little extra reassurance from my husband. It should get better with encouragement and understanding.

Ka

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My husband is like this too. He has severe anxiety and depression, and having me there to constantly reassure him helps him. Does it annoy me sometimes? Yes, absolutely, BUT I love him. I would happily deal with the small annoyances if the end result is him knowing he’s loved and wanted by me.I have anxiety and depression as well, and sometimes I need him to reassure me, too. Talk to him about how it’s okay for things to not go as planned, and it’s okay when things that are completely outside of his control (like getting sick) cause a change in plans. Ask him what you can do to help him feel better, and then ask to focus on coming up with ideas of how you can spend time together while he’s sick so he doesn’t feel alone. Maybe you can FaceTime or text each other while watching the same movie, or FaceTime / video chat while eating dinner. Make it like a virtual dinner date.

Ti

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This is so common with emotional abuse and controlling and manipulative partners or parents. It will take time to know you won’t hold little things against him and he will have to realize you aren’t those people but it’s hard. If you want this long run you’re gonna have to be patient through it and keep giving reassurance and give it very clear and plain. Tell him that him being sick is nothing to apologize for and you care about him getting better and you cannot wait to see him when you’re both able bodied. Tell him it’s okay to get sick and things happen and itsnot his fault. Tell him you don’t blame him for being sick that it’s a natural part of life and he doesn’t need to apologize for it. Tell him plans change and you are comfortable being flexible around plans because you care about his health. Frame things in ways where you’re not angry and if you can always have the conversarions over the phone or FaceTime so he can hear your tone and your sincerity. Texts can come across passive aggressive or annoyed regardless of the meaning. If you have to text add emojis because it usually lightens the text.

Ka

Ka • May 28, 2020
👆🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Am

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If it’s a constant thing, yes, it would annoy me VERY MUCH.

ha

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How was his home life growing up was there any physical or emotional abuse? Sadly this can happen when people go through trauma, and it's sad that it leaves a negitive impact on someone's life. It may be annoying to you but he's really struggling inside, struggling not to do it but it's hard no to, he was reassurance that everything will be okay. Try and work with him make him feel comforted also suggest he go to therapy. If you don't want to deal with it break up because it usually takes time to break this habit.

Al

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Do you know anything about his past relationships or girls he used to talk to? Sometimes older experience are a main reason to insecurity in relationships. But then there’s also the factor of it’s been a year already, so at this point that’s pretty annoying

Na

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He’s got anxiety. Or at the very least acid reflux. He needs an antacid.

L

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Yup. I wouldnt be able to be with someone who does that.