He seems upset about what I did.

So I'm not going to lie I worry constantly about the status of my relationship. This is my first relationship (and I'm 24... I suck lol) and I want so badly for it to work. Anyways last week bf went away to drill and so we talked a little but barely which I understood by then Monday he hasn't texted me at all which was so unusual I went from being sad to mad to worried about everything. So I'm super passive aggressive and made a fb post about being really upset and my friend messaged me. She pretty much asked if I wanted her to text him so I could see if he was avoiding me. I let her and he didn't respond to her, he eventually texted me and he had lost his phone. He texted her and wanted to know who she was. In the end I told him what I did and he already kind of knew. Now it's been a week and he makes jokes about it but he said it really made him think that I don't trust him. He told me last night that it was douchey of me to do that. I have apologized and tried to explain. I do trust him but I'm so scared and I feel like I can't relay that to him without sounding dumb. I really think I love him and I want so badly to tell him but it's just so soon and I'm afraid he doesn't love me back. I don't want him to internalize that situation and think it's him because I have a hard time trusting everyone. Ugh I wish I wouldn't have screwed up so much.