Is it wrong for me to feel this way? **Long read

**Just a major warning, this is a LONG post**

Hi everyone, I need a bit of advice here, as I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with emotions lately and I just.. Well let me explain:

I just feel like my Significant Other’s parents are really intervening in our life. Why would I say that? Well, the thing is, my boyfriend is young. Him being 20 years old and I’m going to be 24 next week. He’s a hard worker, has paid off his car, pays his bills, supports me in the best way he can. He still lives with his parents, and traditionally, his parents allow him to stay with them in order to save up money for a future house. Back in March, I had decided to go over frequently and with their permission, since we were expecting our 1st baby together. His parents immediately wanted me to move in, as they felt it would be easier to keep track of me since it was also going to be their 1st grand baby. Sadly, I lost the baby towards the end of March and his parents still allowed me to move in with them. I’m grateful, especially because they let me move in without needing to pay any bills.

His mom is a stay at home mother, as she cooks, cleans, and pretty much does everything around the house. I’ve offered to help quite a few times, however she’s the type where she doesn’t want any help. Either way, I’ll still do my best by cleaning dishes after dinner, cleaning the bedroom, cleaning the bathroom when I can, taking up the laundry (2-story house, as the bed rooms are upstairs), and trying to pick up after ourselves. She really does everything, and since I’m working from home due to Covid-19, she will make me breakfast and I make sure to thank her everytime because its sweet that she does this, even with everything she does.

Since I moved in, I rarely get to see my family and we’ve made time to see them on Friday evenings, and occasionally Saturday evenings too. However, I get the feeling as if they get upset when I go see my family. Friday evenings, we go over around 5pm and leave by 8pm. Some Saturday’s we visit my brother and (future) sister in law, and stay out a little later since we are off on Sunday’s together. One Saturday we came home around Midnight and before you ask, yes we let his family know we would be coming home late. The following morning during breakfast, I could tell they were upset about it but they didn’t want to say anything. They never talked about it to us, but I just knew they were upset because the feeling in the room just felt.. off. Now, I’ve made it a point to make sure we leave by 10pm so we don’t come home late.

They wanted their son and I to make a “fake” savings account and put money into it to help us “learn” to save. Meaning get a glass jar, and we would put about $500 a week to start saving up. Sometimes they would be able to use it in case they needed help with groceries or bills, and they did say they would pay the money back. Now, my boyfriend and I already have separate savings account which we already place money into for saving. I decided against his parent’s idea and explained if they needed help, I have no issue at all - I mean, they’re letting us live there for free. I don’t even mind helping out with bills but his parents made it a point they want us to save, save save. Well I had offered to help out money wise, his mom kinda got upset and I felt bad because I believe I offended her by offering to help pay for some bills.

My parents decided to go to South Padre for the weekend and asked if we could pet sit for them. Since they’re my parents, I had no issue with helping them. I told my boyfriend I wanted to stay over since I work on Saturdays and it would be easier instead of having to drive back and forth. He agreed and wanted to stay the night with me just to make sure I will be safe. We thought about staying over this Saturday night too, since we are off on Sunday because it’s easier. When we told his dad this, he got upset and said that he doesn’t “know” the apartments my parents live in. That if his car gets broken into, he’s not going to help his son with anything. He ended up storming off and went upstairs to be alone..

When I had heard this, I got really upset. Only because his family talks about being there for my boyfriend and they don’t want him to go through any hard ships. Now to hear this, I didn’t understand why it was such a major deal to go over and stay the night. His mom noticed I was in a bad mood in the morning and had asked what was wrong. I ended up telling her that I don’t think it was right for his father to say that. She started talking about how we need to think as if we were in their shoes. She started saying that it feels like we take advantage of them, that when something bad happens, he immediately runs to them. For example, my boyfriend was rushing to get us to go visit my family one Saturday, and he ended up getting a flat tire. His parents were PISSED at him and I had to emotional support my boyfriend because he felt terrible. I even offered to help pay for a new tire however he didn’t let me. His dad ended up helping him and they got a spare for the time being. He still wanted to take me to see my family because we rarely see them, especially now since I live with them, and he asked if it was okay to use one of their cars. (They have 2 trucks).

Back to Friday morning with my moody self, she said that we take advantage of them by trying to get a quick solution. She said what would have happened if she had to be somewhere and her husband had to be somewhere else at the same time. Then, she started going off about how if my boyfriend and I had been living with MY parents, that my mother wouldn’t do our laundry, cook our food, iron my boyfriend’s uniforms. I told her no she wouldn’t but I didn’t get to explain my side since she continued on. She said that there are times were my boyfriend is tired after working, yet I can sometimes be selfish by not seeing that and wanting to go out to see my family anyway. She even got upset that my boyfriend will fix my dinner plate and hand it to me. (However, I’m not sure why she would be upset as she makes her husbands plate all the time. She’s tired too because she does so much for the family..) She said we need to be more grateful, that even once in a while, a “Thank you,” would be nice. It made me sad because everything she does for me, I say Thank you all the time and she never replies back to me. And whenever I do the dishes, clean the bedroom or my boyfriends bathroom, she never tells me thank you but I know she’s grateful that I’m helping.

They are even upset because I don’t bring my car over to the home. They have 4 cars already, and it’s a lot to bring over a 5th car. They are constantly having to move the cars and I didn’t want to make it difficult by bringing another over. Plus, I keep it here with my parent’s because my dad’s cars sometimes don’t have A/C and it’s HOT where we live. He asks for my permission to be able to use my car, however I’ve let him use it whenever he pleases because he let me get on his insurance to save some money. Since I’m working from home, I don’t have a use for the car at the moment.

His family wants us to get married through the church and also baptize our future children. I was born and raised as Christian however my boyfriend does not have an opinion on religion. We’ve both agreed we do not want to get married through the church, and will not be baptizing our children. As we want our children to have their own mind set and follow the path they would like. His mom at one point, started to bash on my religion but my boyfriend intervened and stopped her. It made me upset because I have not once said ANYTHING wrong to her about her being Catholic as everyone has their own views.

She even joked about saying it didn’t matter if we (my boyfriend and I) don’t baptize our children as she will do it herself.

I just don’t understand because it FEELS like they don’t like my family. I feel as if they’re trying to control my decisions and I know they get upset whenever I don’t agree with something they suggest. His parents get along really well with me and I don’t understand where all of this is coming from. Like, am I just going crazy? Am I just being a brat and not being grateful?

I just need some advice.. and if I’m the bad one one here, how much more can I better myself? :(