Is hating my in laws a reason to divorce?

Question

I loved them prior to becoming a mom but now I hate them. I could write out an entire novel as to why but I’ll just tell you the most recent reason. 
I just had another baby, they planned to do an outdoor meeting of her but as soon as they got here they insisted on coming in, my husband always sides with them so they did. Before I gave birth I suggested they self quarantine in preparation to meeting her but said it wasn’t realistic so they’ll just see her from a window. Then did the complete opposite. 
While they were here my mother in law made a comment about how my daughter looks like she’s going to have darker skin and it was unfortunate.... this is where the thought of divorce immediately entered my mind. I can’t have my daughter thinking she’s less than because she has darker skin than my son because my mother in law (who is black) is going to make comments like that to her and think it’s completely fine. 
My husband always sides with them and I don’t know if these are my postpartum hormones talking or if I’m valid.

Answer

I would say your in laws shouldn’t be a reason to divorce but it sounds like the way your husband is siding with them over you every time should be grounds for counselling. Maybe try and go see a specialist and talk it out, once he realizes how his actions are affecting you I’m sure he’ll be less likely to take their side and actually stand up for you and your wishes.

Answer

Stand your ground, starting with your husband. In a calm and respectful manner, tell him your concerns and how you’re feeling. How it’s not fair for you to lay down ground rules just for them to disregard them and for him to let them get away with it. He needs to understand that just because they are his parents that doesn’t mean they get to walk all over you. YOU are the mother to your babies. YOU get to say who is and is not around them, especially during a pandemic.
Once you’ve had that discussion, then you both need to be a united front against your in-laws and lay down the law. He needs to be strong and back you up. If he’s unable to do this, pack a bag and your babies and stay somewhere else for the time being. Make it known that if he is unable to be supportive of your choices when it comes to your children, that you will leave, in no uncertain terms.

Answer

You can divorce because of the views of his mother, but either way your child will be around it.
What you need to do is speak to him and get him on the same page. If he refuses to be on the same page, that's when it's a relationship issue.

Answer

Oh you better make sure your husband knows exactly how you feel on this! My parents split after 17 years because on a horrid mother in law and her attachment to my dad. It was an ugly divorce. It's definitely reasonable cause for a divorce

Answer

I don’t think it’s a ground for divorced but definitely worth a conversation. When family first meet my son they always seem to point out how dark he is 😌😌🥰 I just say now I have a kid in every shade. Mother Of 3 ☺️

Answer

I would be LIVID.  
I don’t know that divorce is the answer but I think some real conversations with your husband and/or counseling may help.  
I also have a tough time with my in laws but my husband and I can agree on things.  It wasn’t always the case.  He needed time to see and understand my feelings.

Answer

Before divorce I would absolutely say something to them. Tell your mother in law to STFU talking about your child like that.

Answer

Even if you get a divorce they will still see your children everytime they are at their fathers. I understand that you as the mother want to protect your child I feel the same way about my kids. They are mixed race and all different my youngest one is darker than my husband and all of them are darker than their grandfather in Africa. I just make sure that they know which ever shade it's just the right one. Sometimes it's just the way people grow up and I could be wrong but did she maybe feel like if your daughter would have an easier life if she would be lighter. Also despite my daughter having been pointed out for having a darker complexion, she got annoyed when she got lighter over the years.

Is hating my in laws a reason to divorce?

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