I’m about to let her have it!

I am at the end of my rope with my stepmom. Ya’ll my family has being mourning a terrible and tragic loss. My brother passed away on June 7th. He have been battling addiction and was found alone in his room after just getting out of a program. He was thriving in the program and we were so proud. We’re still waiting on the final toxicology report to come back to be certain of cause.

My stepmom never got along with him. In the last ten years during his battle she made life hard on him. Anytime my Dad helped him financially she made a huge deal out it. How he was taking their money from them. At holidays she was passive aggressively ignore him when he talked to her. This past Christmas she purposely excluded him from a tradition we’ve done since she met my Dad (so the last 27 years). My brother didn’t even come in the house anymore when he visited my Dad because he felt unwelcome. It was hard on all of us when she acted like this. The week he died (still not comfortable saying that) she called me hysterical and saying that he was going to give my father a heart attack from all the stress. “It’s not fair! You guys have had your father all your lives and your little brother hasn’t. He’s going to grow up without a Dad because of him” My little brother is 16. My brother who passed had done anything to make her so upset that day. If anything had it was the fact my little brother had just totally their brand new car the day before. Smdh.

She’s been acting like everything is fine since the day after his funeral. Cracking jokes about him, enjoying the flowers and food people sent like it was a holiday. My Dad got a card from his rehab counselor and he didn’t open it right away because he wasn’t ready. She told me “I’m trying to get your Dad to just rip off the bandaid and read it” like wth?

Yesterday was extremely hard for my Dad. He and I have been taking it the hardest. She kept trying to start a fight with him over the living renovation. They had wallpaper and carpet in it before. The week before my brother passed my Dad was taking down the wallpaper and patching. Well since then it’s sat undone, a constant reminder of what happened. He hasn’t been up for doing it and he has parkinson so stuffs hard on him. So yesterday I asked what color they were going to paint. She’s all “well I don’t get a say… I had an idea but your dad gets to do what he wants… I don’t know if that fluorescent pink is going to work Frank… he wants to put the tv over the couch… I had an idea but I don’t I gues…” in this low voice. I thought she was joking lighting the mood. Nope. Just talking under her breath since my Dad is hard of hearing. Like REALLY?! You’re going to start crap today? On a day that is already extremely hard on him and hard on my other brother and I?! I was the only one in the room and Dad caught what she was saying at one point (bc say kept saying it). He was like “I was joking! It was a joke. We’ll do it however you want.” Then it turned into a thing and I’m like sitting there in disbelief with her.

She keeps trying to talk down about him. I’m coping as best I can. Trying to be strong for my Dad and my other brother (from my Dad and Mom’s marriage). All three of us are blaming ourselves for not doing more for him. All the while I’m 23 weeks pregnant and trying to keep it together. She just wants to move on and pretend he never existed. It’s insane to me. I’m about to just lose it with her.

*I apologize for any grammar mistakes. Stringing words together hasn’t been my best skills as of late.

Update: She's been making drug jokes too. She was starting a new job so she has to take a drug test the tomorrow day. We were sitting outside and my Dad who’s hard of hearing was facing away from her (if he’s not looking he doesn’t know you’re talking at all) she was telling me and a neighbor about the new job. She was like “I have to take a drug test tomorrow for my new job… I guess I better now doing something tonight that would affect my test tomorrow...” and laughed.

Update II: MIL and my best friend are doing my shower in August. They reached out to my SM this week. Wanted her to feel included. She told them she wasn’t doing anything for the shower and it was my brother’s fault. His funeral cost them too much and their money needed to go towards my younger brother. It wasn’t about the money but they wanted her to joy in on the fun. When my best friend, who she’s never, met called her she started telling her a kind of stuff about my brother. My friend was extremely uncomfortable from it. She didn’t understand why she was telling her. My friend won’t even tell me what it was. She said it would upset me far too much. That she’ll tell me after the baby comes.