Wanna know why I never married you

My bf can say hurtful things when we argue and he was really digging into me the other day he said multiple hurtful things but the thing that stings is when he looked me dead in the eye and said "the reason I never married you all these years is the thought of spending my life with you disgusts me" after the fight he asked me if I forgave him but it hurt me so bad and it sits in the back of my mind if he didn't mean it why did he say it and if he says he just said it then why hasn't he married me yet