So I believe that I was sexually abused as a little girl and my therapist believes that I was too.

In the past few years every summer I start having a reoccurring dream. Before I get to the dream I’ll tell you some backstory.

Between the ages of 3 to 5 years old, my sister my mom and I lived in a one bedroom apartment in a complex I was about five blocks away from my aunts house.

About halfway between our houses there was a park that we used to playing. When you go into the park, The first thing you see is a basketball court and there’s a gazebo right behind it to the left there is a tennis court and further left there are a bunch of thick trees.



My cousin and I used to play hide and seek in this little forested area.

I have a repressed memory that keeps trying to make its way back in the form of a dream. My cousin And I ran into the soccer field to do somersaults and cart wheels. My aunt was sitting at the gazebo watching my boy cousins play basketball. So my cousin and I decide we’re going to play hide and seek in the trees. I’m hiding and she’s counting and then she stops counting so I wait a few minutes and I come out to see where she’s at and there’s a man talking to her.

I was about 3-4 and my cousin was about 4-5. My cousin and I were born in the same year she was just born 11 months before me. I can’t ever see the man’s face all I see is that he’s wearing a bluish colored shirt, brown work boots, a pair of faded jeans with a big belt buckle. I’m pulling on my cousin’s shirt saying we should go back to auntie. He starts asking if we want to play a Game with him and my cousin says yes. He then starts to unbutton his pants and undo his belt buckle and then I wake up.

I discussed this with my therapist and she fully believes I have a repressed memory of sexual abuse and that while I’m trying to make sense of it at the time it happened I was extremely young so my mind repressed it to protect me. When I was about 5, my mom put me in therapy because she kept finding me naked with one of my friends. I remember the part about being found naked and we never touched anything we just got naked and laid down.

When I told my therapist this that’s what brought her to believe that it wasn’t just a weird dream that it was an actual repressed memory. Because getting naked with a boy at the age of 5 is a form of sexually acting out. Same thing with my cousin when she was about 5 when my aunt and uncle found her naked in the closet with a boy.

I went to see my therapist Lisa who is already treating my sister who have been sexually abused by our father. Before the incident Where I had gotten naked with one of my friends, I had gone to my sisters therapy appointment but I sat there and I played dress up and was kept out of the therapy sessions as far as talking to the therapist and then that changed with the situation.

I remember my therapist because I remember she was super nice and she had a trunk full of clothes and shoes and I used to love to dress up and then we would go eat out after therapy.

Looking back at all of this makes sense to me that something happened to me. I wasn’t like a normal girl. I was very sexual for my age even as a young girl. I want to wear revealing clothes had a very young age and started masturbating at a really young age.

My mom tried to get me help but I couldn’t remember anything happening to me and now that I’m old enough to fully understand and be able to fully except what happened to me the memory starting to come back.

It isn’t like a regular dream, my cousin and I were barefoot I could feel the grass on my feet I could smell the grass hear the birds chirping feel the sticks poking my feet while hiding.