Trapped in a emotial abuse relationship

I went make this long basically my fiancé is extremely abusive not physically but mentally and emotionally and whenever I cry or express my emotions he becomes so enraged and shuts me down and it becomes “me playing the victim” whenever i pack up my things to go, he will tell me go gtf out he doesn’t care then as I really pack my things he will mumble (now when you learn how to talk and check yourself talk to me) it’s just so much Luke I’m breaking down just typing this. He constantly makes fat n ugly jokes and 1)I’m 138 and I’m not ugly I’m not glamours is how I was when I met him bc of him he’s the one who goes off and talks about how makeup messes up skin, don’t wear weave/extensions it’s not my hair, even lotion he says isn’t natural moisture our skin makes it’s own, it’s so much but then he talks about all these women in front of me abs hell every now n then say you look beautiful without it but then tear me down constantly for months. It got real bad n I was leaving n he threatened to take his life , im in hell I really am I love him but this is hell