Is my bf over doing it??(advice)

My boyfriend has always been assertive and had an attitude about him that just oozed with ego humble cocky

However it’s taken a dominant turn I am not the best gf all the time and I do get pretty raunchy and rude when I’m upset which he combats with extreme strictness that makes me feel like I’m a damn 5 year old

For example

Me: asks a simple question

Bf: what did you say ?

Me : repeats what I said louder

Then he proceeds to say dont raise your voice at me which annoys me a little

When that isn’t the case he’s telling me stop cursing , calm “my ass “ down and it’s just like out of no where . I don’t mind it cause I’m submissive naturally but I don’t want it every single time I’m a grown woman wtf

Also he has spanked me when I was angry at him has hit me when ive cried out of frustration which is a whole nother topic . But later he apologizes and makes sure he didn’t hurt me physically

I love him we’ve been together 6 years and this isn’t a deal breaker I’m just not a kid and I wish he’d stop putting me in that way however I’m afraid to speak up cause I have before and he disregarded it and said what he’s doing is way better “beating my ass or cheating “