BF wants to ground my son for leaving a “mess” **UPDATE**

We’ve been trying to get my son to take a little more responsibility and clean up after himself. He’s almost 12 and leaves a mess typically anywhere he goes. We are always having to remind him to clean the crumbs off the table where he sat, hang his towel up after his shower, etc. My BF said to stop reminding him and any time he leaves a mess, he loses outside privileges. Well, he left out a cup with water and his jug of water on the kitchen table last night. My BF saw it and said that my son doesn’t get to go outside today because he left a mess. Seriously? It’s a cup of water and his water jug... what is the big freaking deal?! It’s not a mess!

Is he over reacting?

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My BF and I have been together for 4 years. I allow him to give and take away privileges as he sees fit. I back my BF up on the punishments majority of the time and I want my son to respect my BF. Eventually, my BF will be his step father and he needs to respect him. The consequences for not cleaning up his mess is he cannot play outside. While I agreed with him on the consequences, I did not agree with him on this situation. He considers it a mess because the water jug belongs in the fridge and not left out on the table. My BF does not want me reminding him to do anything that he should know he should be doing. I slip up often and remind my son to do this or do that because it’s just in my nature. He does have chores that he is responsible for doing and he does them. It’s only 2 chores during the week and keeping his room and bathroom cleaned up on a daily. Once a week he has to actually clean his bathroom. I’m a working mom and my BF works as well so neither of us are there all day long.

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@ Mercedes - it’s not up to me when we make it “official” - it’ll happen when my BF is ready. Just because we aren’t married yet doesn’t mean my BF isn’t allowed to discipline my son. He’s never hit him and would never lay a hand on him. My sons father lives 3 hours away and he visits every other weekend or when my son feels like it. My son would never move in with his father and has made it clear he loves being at home with us. My son has told multiple people that he wishes that my BF was his biological dad. And no, I did not say I consider my BF to be my sons step father, I said eventually he will be... 🙄

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I disagreed with the punishment but when I got home, he accepted the punishment and while he also didn’t agree that it was a mess, he understood why and took it for what it was. I was proud of him for being respectful about it and it’s a new day. My BF and my son had a long talk and they are on a good page with each other.