This year/pregnancy is not how I thought it was going to be. I posted yesterday about my shower being canceled but it’s not just that, it’s everything. This virus has just taken everything happy away. The past 3 years leading up to the miracle of this pregnancy were so hard. Then after countless tests, appts, and meds we got pregnant in February. Then the whole state was on lock down a couple weeks later. I’ve been confined to our house since March. Only leaving for appts or sometimes to walk the dog. DH has been banned from every appointment since the 8 week one. So after going through infertility doctors alone, the happy ones have been alone too.

Then the stay at home was lifted 5/29... my brother passed away 6/7 and I never got to see him until his funeral. Not even a proper funeral. 😔

Now people planning the shower didn’t communicate with one another. My friend helping with the shower sent out the invites wrong so no one RSVP’d or no one even got an invite for it. My MIL made a snap decision to cancel the shower by sending out emails without talking to other people planning it. It’s turned into a crap show. I have people emailing me asking what the heck is going on. Or I’m getting emails saying “you did the right thing canceling the shower and not being selfish putting other people at risk”.

My friend helping with the shower and MIL are telling me conflicting info on wth is going on. It was to be a social distant shower and now it’s nothing.

All I want to do is lay in bed all the time. It wasn’t about gifts but having some sort of joy in this already dark and lonely year. I think I’m depressed. 😔