Jealous

For the first time in my life I am finding myself jealous. I am trying to be super careful about this emotion. This is only mine to fix.

My father passed away a few years ago from a brain aneurysm and stroke. Recently my mother has suffered a stroke leaving her permanently paralyzed from the chest down.

I see videos of my friends parents playing with their children being active grandparents. Babysitting, playing, having weekends away. These are things my son will never experience.

My husband is absolutely amazing and he's asked me how I am doing. He said something along the lines of being cheated out of having my parents present in my life and that our son will never have the kind of relationship with his grandma other kids have. I tried to brush it off and say it's ok.

Truth is I am so jealous I sob about it. If I think about it at all I just want to scream. We don't have any family to be a village for our child. I know I am not wishing bad for others I just so grieve the dreams I had for our family.

I've prayed hard about this and I am just not sure how to overcome this jealousy. I should state we've experienced infertility and our own loss of pregnancies and I have never once became this jealous of other around me and their families. This emotion is very new to me.