Am I crazy ?

Last week, I bought a video monitor. I had intentions of starting my son in his own crib, by 4 months. He will be august 14! Out of curiosity one night I put him in his crib.. Lone and behold, he slept. Actually the longest he has... ever!

I’m a first time mom, & recently a family friend lost there niece in the middle of night. I don’t know the entire story, as to how she passed away. But they found her not breathing. Since my son has been born, my anxiety has sky rocketed. I don’t like leaving him, don’t like other people holding him I don’t know, and just can’t do crowds.

Now. You’d think I’d take full advantage of a full night sleep. Wrong. The first 2 nights I had 6 hours of sleep total. I couldn’t sleep, every time I’d try I would wake thinking/dreaming he was screaming only to look on the video monitor and he’d be sound asleep. I can’t sleep, I literally freak myself out horribly. Last night due to have family over he had to sleep in bassinet in our room and he slept horribly.

Everytime he cries I hear him! I don’t like the cry it out method. Just makes me stressed.

I feel like crappy mom, his room is at the back of our house and I don’t like him being so far away. My mother in law and mom praise me for him sleeping in his crib, and I get made fun of for buying a video monitor because”they didn’t have those & we turned out fine” my son was also born at 35w & 5d. We were in the hospital for almost a week, due to the pandemic we couldn’t have visitors, I had him for myself and my husband. Letting others hold him is really hard for me.

My question is Does/did any other mommy’s experience this? Am I overrreacting? I’m open to any advice someone may have. Maybe I just need to hear I’m not crazy, I’m made to feel like I am. 😞🥺