I didn’t know I was pregnant

As everyone on here who follows me knows I’ve been ttc since April and with every test I peed on I kept getting BFN and I was getting fed up. And when I tell you that anything and everything on conceiving or what was growing in what day I knew about and I could talk to you about it for days. I was so infatuated with the thought of carrying a bean and then having it love you all with the person you love more then anything. How could I miss that I had implantation bleeding. I poas like the day after the first day of implantation and just a big fat negative psi at that point I’m just like “eff it I’m not pregnant I’ll just keep trying” my boobs are sooooo sore for the last 3 months and everything bothers the shit outta me lmao. Well then I get a “period” in May and it’s soooooo heavy! I’m leaking through everything and I’m like wow this is a bad period my iud hormones must be fixing themselves ... anyway here comes June and I’m still actively trying so I poas and I get a bfn so I’m thinking I’m only a month because I found out in June. All that was wrong. I had implantation bleeding I had all the signs. And my “period” that I told you guys about in may? ... that was me miscarrying ... 💔 For my post op my doctor told me the ultrasound read it at 7 weeks 😓. It’s so hard dealing with this because I literally researched my ass off to make sure I would know as soon as I was pregnant and I just didn’t even know was drinking and smoking 🤦🏻‍♀️ being so very unhealthy to my poor baby and I feel like a terrible person I feel so bad! I feel I have to apologize to everyone for not knowing and for not being more on top of things. I’m so sorry guys. Please allow god to bless me with a healthy baby ❤️