I feel like i don’t want my baby

I just got back to america from being overseas with my husband and now I’m doing this all alone because we are going through separation. I let everyone get to my head telling me to keep my baby and I’ll regret it .. so i listened. If i could do anything in the world is go back and not have her. I’m so depressed , my anxiety levels are through the roof. I feel like i don’t love her as much as i should and we have a terrible bond because she’s so damn independent she loves to play by herself. My baby deserves a mother who love and cares about her like nothing in this world but i know my husband won’t let me put her up for adoption. I’m lost.