Yall I'm done 💔

My boyfriend of almost 5 years broke my heart. Everyone always says how if someone cheats on you it's the worst thing ever, well it's not. At least if he cheats on you, the decision is easy and you can leave him. I don't want to talk about what happened. He has a short temper and anger issues, he used to abuse me a lot in the past. He hasn't done that in a while, and hopefully never will, but he found a new way to get his anger under control. Last night, he threatened me, locked me in a room and said horrible things about me. How he hates me, how fat, ugly and unnattractive I am, how he hates that I breathe air, wishing me cancer, death and kept calling me names. I wanted to run as far away from him as I possibly can, but he kept me locked and threatened me if I left. After he calmed down, he pretended like everything was fine. Today he apologized. But that's it. He blames his NPD (severe and medically diagnosed, along with his anger issues), but doesn't think that he needs to make up for anything. He told me that if I wanted something done he would do it. I don't know what to do. I am ashamed of myself. I haven't forgiven him and I never will. The least he could do is make up for it, and even then I wouldn't forgive him.

I am saving up for buying my own place and going away for good (I'm pretty close).

I am ashamed that I ever loved him. I don't deserve to live this life anymore thinking he could change. Boy bye 👋