*TW self harm*

So lately I’ve been so depressed and the most anxious I’ve ever been in my life as I’m about to start college and my home life has been chaotic... I’ve been clean of self harm for 4 years and now this is the 3rd time I’ve relapsed this summer....

My anxiety has been so bad this week, despite not wanting to wake up or get out of bed. I’ve been so nervous that I get diarrhea every morning and I’ve lost my appetite tremendously which is insane because I have a binge eating disorder. I can’t even eat half a meal without feeling full and can almost go the entire day without eating but I take little bites to have energy. I feel so nervous and jumpy with a pit in my stomach and unable to breathe and very tired but can’t sleep well.

Today was a bad day so I self harmed again and this time it was a little bit harder and right away I noticed one of my veins was turning black or a deep dark color of that makes sense? Now I’m even more nervous about that. Usually when I cut I don’t go deep but today I went a little deep and it doesn’t bother me that much it just stings a little. Idk if u can see it in the picture but it’s the second cut on top.

I hate that I’m back in this mentality because I was doing good for so long :(

And I’m scared for my boyfriend to see, like I want to tell him but I’m scared he will get mad that I didn’t talk to him first but he’s upstate with bad connection and we’ve also only been together for a month and I don’t want to dump all my emotional damage onto him because it’ll just make me feel like a burden whenever I’ll want to confide in him :( idk what to do