I’ve laid in bed for a lot of my life because of depression and I always sleep on my sides. This last year has been the worst of it. My hips have started cracking a lot. I find that I have to move in certain ways to try to avoid the cracking but it doesn’t always help. Now I can’t do certain things or else it’s going to crack or hurt. If I lay in bed too long at night I can really feel my body absolutely hating me. I try to completely avoid laying in bed during the day now.

I’m single rn but have been talking to someone and we’re going to get together soon and I want to have sex but now I feel like I can’t do much of anything because sex positions will be too uncomfortable or hurt or make things crack. I feel so embarrassed and ridiculous about this. I can’t even just have normal fun. And it feels so stupid to tell someone this especially when I’m so young. And having to tell them to be really really gentle with me because I want to just be able to do it normally.

I try to be gentle with myself but it doesn’t help much. I rub cbd lotion on my hips. I use a cbd vape. Been trying to eat healthy. I’ve been trying to get more sun, I have a severe lack of sunlight. I take a vitamin d when I remember but I forget too often. I’ve been stretching in the pool cuz I know that the water helps avoid the cracking. Been using collagen that says it has joint support.

I feel like I see a lot of people like on social media claiming to lay in bed for days straight and how they’re so depressed and didn’t move all day. But then I see them post videos of them like pole dancing and doing really intense things with their bodies. Like, were they just lucky enough to not have side effects from laying in bed? Are they exaggerating by saying they didn’t move all day or that they were in bed for days? Idk just doesn’t feel fair that even people “like me” don’t even have my problems. I feel like I’m so alone with this.