Don’t know how to feel

Yesterday I had what I thought would’ve been my 6 week scan. Due to some bleeding I contacted the hospital to check if everything was okay. Sadly during the scan they couldn’t find anything. They said it could either be another MC, ectopic (which I highly doubt) or its too soon to show anything. I had bloods done to check my HGC and will be contacted in a couple of days. I didn’t cry (surprisingly) I just felt empty.

Today I had a session with my therapist and absolutely broke down, to the point I even made her tear up. All I want is to be a mother and the thought of not becoming one makes me feel so useless and broken.

I never thought this TTC journey would be this hard. As it stands I’m still not 100% sure if there is a pregnancy or not. Feel like I’ve constantly been playing the big old waiting game.

Took this little hat out last night and just held it for a while, imagining my little rainbow baby wearing it. I can’t wait for that day🥺🌈