I’m stressing out so much about college and about paying for college.

I’m good with saving my money and taking care of my bills, luckily I don’t pay rent but school supplies are expensive, school is expensive. I do pay for my own bills and own personal things aside from not paying rent.

About two weeks ago my mom told me her and my step dad tested positive for COVID, they self isolated and have recovered.

I used to live with my mom and I’d help with the bills and I’d pay rent as well as pay for my own things. So hearing she was sick and I wasn’t there really upset me, growing up she was a single mother and I’d literally co parent with her as the oldest child and help with whatever I could however I could, ever since I was young. As soon as I started working at 16 my mom never gave me money again(even before then she rarely did and I never asked for much anyway)

I love my mom very much but she would manipulate me at times and pin me against my father in order to get her way or get out of certain things. My dad was guilty of doing this to me as well. I went to therapy and was able to form boundaries with both parents and that helped me become more independent and not some tool that would always put my parents happiness as well as my siblings before myself.

Well when my mom told me she was sick she started to mention money... (and my mom borrowing money never really meant she’d pay it back tbh I feel uncomfortable ever asking for it back, I really do try to help as much as I can.)

Anyway, she mentioned money, how she hadn’t been able to work for about three weeks and how my youngest brother didn’t have a laptop for school because of low supplies in the district.

The conversation continued a bit about that and I wasn’t sure if she was indirectly asking me for money as she had in the passed when she needed it.

I offered to send her money and I bought my brother a laptop (in total I spent like 500/600 bucks including the money I sent her) and I didn’t mind at all, I would’ve tried to send her money anyway.

Except this week I found out my brother has indeed gotten a laptop from the district because my mom claims she put in a request in case the one I bought him didn’t arrive on time due to COVID except I told her when it was arriving and kept her updated every other day so that she was aware it was arriving on time. It took a week for the laptop to arrive to her house.

I’m okay with them having the laptop sooner or later he was going to need it, but I feel peeved and deceived a bit. I am so tight on money & a part of me regrets buying it for them due to the fact they ended up getting one anyway.

I don’t know if I should ask my mom to pay me back part of the laptop, she didn’t offer to pay back anything when I told her I’d help her buy him one. I guess she assumed I’d just buy it.

I hope I don’t sound like a shitty person or an asshole. I just feel stressed due to school starting and the fact I still have to pay for my own supplies.