Labor advice

Maria

How do i make myself feel contractions and labor pain. Serious question. I have had 3 babies vaginally and i never once felt the pain of labor or even what a contraction feels like and i feel so robbed of the labor experience. I want 1 more baby so i can finally have a boy but i want to feel the labor and everything that comes with it. Have birth 1 month ago and it's all effecting my PPD