I want more kids but i don't know if I can handle it 😥

I have always wanted at least 2 but up to 5 kids. But after having my first child, I just don't know how I would do it.

I partially blame my fiancé..but mostly myself.

My daughter just turned 1 last week. And she has never slept through the night. The most sleep I have gotten in one night this past year is, 6 hours.

She is always my responsibility. If she's awake. I'm awake. My fiancé has gotten up in the morning with her and let me sleep 3 times. In 373 days, I have slept in 3 times. And by "slept in" i mean, I got up at 7 rather than 4 or 5.

Sometimes I haven't showered at all in 4 days and I'm too afraid to ask if he can watch her because he works a lot and I don't and I know he's tired.

On top of not having any help..like ever..(partly because I don't want to burden him) my girl is clinger.

We are never apart. She needs ME to be 100% present at all times. I cant set her down to play and then scroll through my phone or fold laundry. I have to play with her or watch her play.

I haven't even been away from her for even 1 day. We've been apart long enough for me to get a tooth pulled. I cant fathom being away from her while delivering another baby.

I just dont know if its in my cards anymore. I don't know if I can tend to her the way she needs me to AND care for a newborn.

To make it worse. I just feel like im replacing her as my baby if I had another one.

She is seriously my entire world (I know that how all of our babies are to us)

My day begins with her kissing me good morning and ends with us cuddling to sleep. I don't want to give up how perfect our relationship is 🥺

Ugh...but I want her to have siblings! I want her to have a playmate.

Maybe when she gets little older, I'll feel better about it. But at this moment. Idk if I could do it 😢

I commend you mommies with more than 1! Idk how you do it!