I Was A Bully

I've had this on my heart for 12 years. I'm the reason someone ended their life.... I made a friend in college. I boy who was trans. I had no idea he was transgender until I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom at my apartment. We stayed best friends for a while. Then it slowly turned into more. I fell in love with him. It became time we thought we were ready for sex. I'm Bisexual so I explained that I would like to eat him out. He said he wasn't confident down there and he just wanted to plz me. Throughout our whole relationship I kept saying I wanted to eat him out or do stuff to him. One day he broke it off with me. He told me that I see him and treat him as a girl. That I don't want him. I want a women.... I didn't understand why he was being like this. Of course I wanted him. I begged him but he walked away.... Fat forward six months later, a girl starts talking about how she wants to go to masquerade dance with him (our college held a lot of weird dances like this). I told her. Well you know he's a she right. She looked surprised and I guess she told someone. People kept coming to me asking if it was true and I just went yep. You heard it right. I outed someone. For my own petty reason. People found out and he lost a lot of his friends. The community college was mainly christian people. It seemed everyone was against him. Even the teachers. Then... I joined in. Everyone bumped into him when they saw him. I did that and said faggot while walking by. I hate that word now. I and everyone else used words like faggot, tranny, nasty, he she. I was a bully. Now it's my second year of community college and I don't see him on campus. I figured he just moved. Then I found out from others, he ended his life over summer break.... I ended someone's life. I spent days trying to decide if I should reach out to his family... But... I couldn't find the strength. Well here I am... Nearly 31 with this pain still on my heart. I don't want any sympathy. And if I get hate comments... Well it will make up for the hate commy I deserved back when he took his life. I destroyed someone. Learn from me... Words do hurt people. They don't just hurt .... They break... I broke someone and it has to live with me forever

Edit: I appreciate the nice supportive comments.... But I don't want to hear how I deserve to enjoy life. I want to be held accountable. I want to be punished since I never got a punishment for what I did. I want to be told to stop feeling sorry for myself and live with choices. I know this sounds stupid, but I need to be held accountable.