I'm not in love with my husbamd anymore

*sigh* I love this man. I've been with him for 6 years. He raised my daughter as his own. I had his son. He's helped me when I had no one. Been with me and helped me at my worst.

......but for those 6 years he has also done the worst to me.

Hes hit me so many times, he would curse me out and if I cursed him back, he would hit me. He did so many things to me pregnant. Until one day I decided enough.

I packed up a bag, grabbed my kids and left.

He called and called. Asked me yo forgive him. Saying that he should of never treated me the way he did. That he should have never hit me. I didnt want to come back, but I did. Now I know, I'm stupid for returning to him. I know that. But I decided to give him one more try.

Hes been really sweet to me for months. Hes always admiring me, he just won't get off of me. But now I dont want to. I just don't want him to grab me. I dont want him kissing me. I dont feel the butterflies anymore. Before I would just be in awe of how handsome he was. Now I just don't care.

And he notices. He asks me why I dont want to make love to him like before. Why im so cold with him. Saying I'm mean to him. But I really try, I try being the one I was before. I try being intimate with him. And at the end I just tell him for him to get off or ill help him get off because I just can't stand him on me.

Idk what to do :( I dont want to leave him or my family but I just don't feel the love :(

Has anyone felt like this before ?