Daughter is 10 months, start TTC #2 or wait?

Question

Trying to decide when to start TTC for #2. Getting pregnant now would be a 19 month age gap and I’m not sure if that’s too close. I’ve recently heard a lot of horror stories of 2 under 2 from family and friends so wanted a broader opinions!
First pregnancy and labor was healthy and normal with no complications. I’m also older (32) so don’t want to wait too long. Before I always thought I’d wait until she was 18 months before trying again but now I find myself not wanting to wait that long. Husband is on board to start trying whenever I want, but I’m nervous to bite off more than we can handle. Help!

Answer

2 under 2 was VERY exhausting and I admit to a lot it guilt because I don’t remember my second’s first year very well.  Plus, she came premature (35+5) which they said could have been partly because I got pregnant at 10 months pp.  It raises your risk if a low birth weight or premature baby.  She was also colicky which was so unexpected and difficult after having such an easy first.
The benefits though...my daughters have always been super close.  They were close enough in age to enjoy the same type of play at the same time.  They’re 15 and 17 now (not quite 18 months apart) and are very different but still very close.  
Going back though, I wish I had waited another 6 months.  It took me 14 years to have a third because I was kind of traumatized by that first year with two 😂

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Talk to your dr. They are likely to recommend you wait at least 1 year - 18 months.

Answer

TLDR: there are pros and cons to every age gap - if you want another one now, go for it. If you want to wait, do that. 
Mine are 27 months apart and I think FOR THE KIDS it's a good gap. My sister and i are 3.5 years apart and while we're close now, but my sister wanted nothing to do with me from about when she was 12 to when I finished high school, but of course I always wanted to spend time with her, so I think that gap is a little too big. My kids are currently 3 and 9.5 months and as my youngest gets older, it's getting really cute, they're starting to play more together and my oldest is still really into her baby brother. I'm hopeful that they'll stay close as they grow up too. 
That said, FOR THE PARENTS a gap like 27 months super hard. Your older kid is starting to get into more of a preschooler and less of a toddler, but they're still little so they still need lots of attention, but it's a COMPLETELY different kind of attention than your new baby needs, so it feels like way more than double the work because nothing is a combo - every meal you're preparing two separate things, if your older kid is potty trained (mine was) now you have to deal with making sure your kid makes it to the potty (no 27 month old is completely potty independent - they're still going to need a good amount of help) AND keeping track of your baby, or dealing with a baby who cries whenever you put them down while you clean pee off your bathroom floor... it's a lot. I have a theory that a closer age gap might actually be easier in some ways because your kids have more in common as far as their needs- changing two diapers sounds like a pain, and expensive, but at least you don't have the urgency of a potty if you need a little wiggle room. Your kids will enjoy a lot of similar things, be at more similar stages, so you can do things more simultaneously. Then again, a wider age gap like the one with my sister and me means your oldest might be very exited to help with the baby, will be more independent with more things, which could also be easier on you in some ways.

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I have 2 under 2. Oldest is almost 20 months and my second is almost 3 months. I think it has been hardest on my daughter she’s not used to sharing the attention. I lucked out and my second baby is super easy. She’s been sleeping through the night and everything. I struggled with fertility issues so I was shocked when I got pregnant naturally. I wouldn’t say it’s horrible having them that close in age and I know once my youngest is mobile my oldest is going to love playing with her.

Answer

Look....to each their own obviously and if you feel as if you can handle it then go for it.
I will tell you that from a biologic standpoint it is better to give your body time to recover between pregnancies. If you are healthy, you wont run any real imminent risks but you will be uncomfortable, have less skin turgor, and some mitigatable hormonal issues. 
There is also the question of having a newborn and a 2 year old who arguably still requires 100% of your attention. You are one person and making the attempt to split yourself into two equal parts of 100 is an impossibility. You do owe it to your existing child to be there for them at full capacity. Conversely you also owe it to yourself to have the opportunity to relish all those "little moments" that will inevitably be lost to your eyes whilst overwhelmed with two.
In addition there is a lesser peril that most who are in a healthy relationship never think about because theyve never had cause to....its the change to your marriage. With two small children the ability to reconnect with your spouse and focus on the relationship is almost nil. It dosent take much to cause a small fissure that opens into a chasm overnight. The sleepless nights, the stress, the constant frantic movments that having small.children forces us into can really strain a marriage. Lack of closeness and intimacy caused by lack if time and energy is still a void that must be addressed. How to do it when half asleep? Well...you cant. That's the issue.
My personal advice is shelf it for now. Enjoy what you have. Really appreciate it. Foster a loving bond with your existing child. Focus on them to a fault. Then, after your child is 3 or 4, go ahead and joyfully extend the family. By that time your body will be recovered, your marriage reinforced by all the experiences and renewed bonds made possible by the additional time you've had and you will have a little ally to help you in your existing child. 
Best of luck

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My two babies are 18 months apart (22 months and 3 months), and I love the age gap. The first two weeks were the toughest, but I love it. Yes, it’s exhausting some days, but I feel like you are already in baby mode from the first time around, so it doesn’t seem as hard. BUT, I will admit that my second is a super easy baby and that definitely helps

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I had my 1st at 32, and 2nd at 35. That was the perfect age gap for us

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My son and daughter are 23 months apart. I find it to be a hard age gap to be honest, but my daughter is also an easier baby than my son was. The hardest part actually is my son who just turned two. He is a sweet boy, but we probably struggle more with him and tantrums than we do with our 2 month old right now. He had a major sleep regression once our daughter was born, has only wanted dad and not mom, and we struggle more with tantrums and throwing toys and hitting. I know this can happen when there is a bigger age gap too though.  Just thought I’d mention that this age gap isn’t easy for us so far!

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I have a 3.5 year age gap between  #1 and #2 and I love it, I dont think it could be any more perfect so far...they are now 1 and 4...I am also 21 weeks pregnant...there will be an 18month age gap between #2 amd #3 and im feeling ALOT of guilt right now...obviously we are all so excited and I cant wait the see my 3 girls grow up together but I no #2 will not handle it as well as my eldest

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If you think you can handle it and you are ready, then why not! I'm sure it will be crazy with two little ones but so many people do it. It will also be nice for your children to be close in age. My daughter was a year and 7 months when we conceived this baby. We just did it when we felt we were able to take on more

Daughter is 10 months, start TTC #2 or wait?

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