I met a guy in highschool when I was 12. My older sister was dating his best friend. He was 16 about to be 17.

When I turned 13, he was 17 and asked me out.

Everyone thought it was weird. Teachers tried separating us. My parents didn't like it but also didn't do much to stop it.

I just liked having a boyfriend.

I remember him pressuring me for sex. Fingering me in his car before school. I remember being uncomfortable.

He would say if you don't have sex with me, Ill find someone else who will.

I remember losing my virginity. I didn't feel good. He didn't try to make me comfortable. He just tried to keep me quiet because his mom was in the next room ( who lets a 13 yr old girl go to a 17 yr olds house?)

Anyway. We were together for a long time. In those years, there was so much sex. Forced anal and everything. " its okay it will be over soon" is something I heard a lot.

Here's the thing. I thought I loved him. We were together for SEVEN YEARS.

When I graduated HS, he was in college and we got an apartment together.

It lasted 6 months and then I left.

This is completely sex abuse right?

I absolutely never think about this man. I do not engage in high risk sexual activity. I dont have a fear of men because of how I was treated. I don't truly FEEL sexually abused.

I am 30 and in a long term relationship now. I have severe separation anxiety and dependence issues when it comes to him. I am not happy if we go too long without sex. During sex I focus completely on satisfying him. I also masturbate alot..when I am bored...when I am stressed(is that normal)

Could my little high school relationship have affected me in such a way that resulted in these emotions and issues?