One day I won’t hate myself so much

Or will I? I hate my looks, personality, that I have no friends......everything. I think I have hated myself my whole life as far as I can remember (I’m 26). The past couple of years I’ve realized that honestly no one really cares how much I suffer so I’ve kept it all to myself, but it does get lonely. I truly mean that.....no one ever has checked on me. I fight back tears constantly so no one sees my weakness.

I really want the best for my children and I want them to thrive because all I know is surviving. I hope to give that to them one day.

How do you not hate yourself so much?