I'm suspicious.

Unfortunately, I have always been an over thinker and can become very doubtful very quickly. I'm bad with trust because I have been hurt countless times before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some perfect girl who points the blame on the boyfriend whether current or previous every single time. I've got a tough shell and a sharp edgy personality that can be difficult to deal with. I would rather say "Fine" instead of letting you in and telling you whats really wrong.

Anyways. This relationship has been a tough one from the beginning. And unfortunately I was the one to avoid a lot of the red flags that popped up rather early. My boyfriend has always been a quiet type. And I remember him (before we were even together) making a comment about how his now ex girlfriend would complain about how he didn't have emotional empathy and how it drove her nuts. At the same time, she was a bit of a drama queen who cried excessively over rather petty things or threw temper tantrums. Hes the type of person to be like "i can't deal with your ugly crying or your attitude " and would be like just calm down already. Then he would go for a notorious drive to clear his head and be gone for a whole day or whole afternoon or something.

Hes never been amazing at communicating. And he has openly said that. But he has shown that he's trying to do a better job.

Long story short here. He comes over every single day for lunch. And he has since returning back to work in July (I work part time from home). Today, like usual, I make food and I'm waiting for him to show. All morning we have been texting back and forth. Lunch time comes. Silence. Im like ok weird. He usually calls if he's running late but I wasn't terribly concerned right away. 1pm turned into 2pm. And 2pm soon turned to 3pm. I called him twice. No answer.

I figured maybe he got busy with work or something. About 5pm he messages saying "Did you call me". I said yes, regarding lunch. He said he went home because he wasn't feeling well. And that is the last I have heard from him. He isnt a sickly person to begin with. I dont see why he didn't just message me. I mean we were texting at noon. Just before his 1pm lunch time began. And he never said anything. I saw him yesterday and he was fine. Just doubt is rearing it's head again.

***UPDATE***

Call me crazy but now I truly do not care. I am done with him. Long story short here, his ex (who I should probably add was abusive as hell and would beat him and smash his windshield and light his belongings on fire when she was pissed at him. Toxic AF right!?!?!)

Anyways. His ex had a day surgery yesterday. And guess who ditched me to kiss her damn feet. Like I literally have a restraining order against her for threatening my life. He drove her home. Im like excuse me?! The ex. Who beat you. And you broke up with 3 years ago with. If she was a genuinely good person I would be fine with it. If he at least told me, I would definitely not be ranting here. I'd be much more calm. Boy. Keep her. Wish you alllllll the best. She has family. She doesn't need him to take her to or from the hospital. That isn't his job. She has half a dozen siblings, parents, friends. Yet she convinced him. If he's so easy to convince she can just keep him. Washed my hands. I dont come second to your ex. Ever. The only people I come second to would be your mama or your kids. Not your psycho ex.