I’ve been with my boyfriend around two years we have a 3 month old baby together. At the start of the relationship he was controlling and would constantly tell me I was fat and ugly which he said was “banter”. When I found out I was pregnant I was so upset that the emotional abuse would get worse as I got bigger but things actually improved. Throughout my pregnancy things were better he was by my side throughout everything and seemed to of completely changed telling me everyday how beautiful I was. Now fast forward to the first week of having my baby he was a nightmare! He would get annoyed at me every minute he would get annoyed if I asked for some help with the night feeds etc it just wasn’t the way I had wished in fact I hadn’t prepared for how bad things were. I never had a chance to rest the day after giving birth he demanded we left the house, I was doing the housework, all of the babies care etc. Around 3 weeks pp he wanted to have sex I explained I wasn’t ready and was scared of infections he didn’t seem to understand and well it happened anyway. I cried and spent the next two weeks scared incase I was pregnant again and trying to comprehend what had happened. A week later the same thing happened again this time he knew he done something wrong and apologised so much he cried. However now the “play fighting” has started and during “play fighting” he’ll hit me so hard I’m left with black bruises or he’ll bend back my wrists or fingers until I scream that I’m sorry. He’s never punched me in the face or anything it’s always just arms and legs. I scratch him to get him off me and sometimes I hit him back to get him off me but never hard or anywhere it could hurt him. I tell him everyday to stop and it’s too rough to be playing but he just laughs and continues. He can be the most loving and caring person and now is so good with our baby and does his bit to help. I really love him and I don’t know what to do. It’s hard because sometimes the goodness in his heart shines through like he would help anyone and to everyone else he is such an amazing person and other times I have to think if I know him at all. If I tell him I need space he tells me he will commit suicide, he loves me and his mental state will be bad. I am now suffering with PPD and don’t have a single person to talk with. If you made it this far thank you for reading I’ve never been in any kind of relationship like this but I feel like I’m slowly suffocating and I don’t know if it’s just the PPD making things seem much worse than they are?! x