Why would he say that??

I’m so upset with my SO. (Sorry it’s a little long)

Little backstory: we don’t have sex often (maybe like 2-5x/mo) and usually that’s fine with both of us. We know we love each other and we just don’t desire to do it that much. Usually, we’ll just flat out ask each other “you wanna have sexy time?” and we will.

Buuuut, we have a 5yo and a 3mo old and as most people on this app know, it’s pretty difficult to get in some intimacy around children.

Anyways, last night we talked about getting intimate but I woke up around 4am and he hadn’t even come to bed yet... when he finally came to bed, I asked him “why don’t we have sex unless I’ve had a few drinks? (I drink a little on our date nights because it’s the only time we’re not with the kids) Do you think I’m fat and di-gusting?” (I said it like that because it’s hard for me to be confrontational without being a bit “joke-like” about it). He said “no, of course not. It’s just that when you drink, I know you want to have sex and I don’t want a fight”.

For some reason, that sentence made me burst into tears. He made it sound like the only reason he has sex with me is because he doesn’t want to argue... then he made it a little worse and said “no that’s not what I mean... it’s just that it’s a lot of work (It takes me like an hour or more sometimes to finish) and I don’t want to do it sometimes”. Then I asked, “so you only have sex with me because you have to, not because you want to? Like you feel obligated?” And he said something like “never mind. I’m just making it worse.” Rolled over, and went to bed.

It’s obviously not a big, huge fight or even a fight at all. I just feel hurt and I’m not sure if my feelings are validated or completely over exaggerated. I don’t know how to bring it up again without hurting my own feelings but I feel like we need to talk about it a little.