Blighted ovum???

I just don't know what to think

I just wanna scream WTF JUST HAPPEND??!!!!

It all started February of this year me and my s/o started ttc. I kept thinking I was pregnant because my cycles would come like every other month.

I was tracking, temping, taking vitamins, using preseed you name it.

Driving my husband crazy... Then finally in August he suggested we stop trying.

So I stopped everything. Got back to my normal life. Working out more, drinking whenever I wanted..having unscheduled sex

Then October 26 I find out I was 8 weeks pregnant with my second child.(I have a 1 year old healthy baby girl)

Go to the ultrasound November 4th and there is no fetal pole in the gestational sac. My OB declares in a miscarriage because my hcg levels were dropping rapidly.

I bleed very heavily last week...bleeding and clumps like I've never seen before, pain I've never felt from having a heavy cycle

Here lately feels like I'm at the end of a cycle. Still going to the OB to make sure my hcg levels are dropping

But I'm sitting in the corner upset because my hopes got high, when I finally called myself a good wife by letting it go when I didn't want to stop TTC in the first place....

WTF JUST HAPPEND!!!!! IS THIS SOME SORT OF PUNISHMENT????!!! GEEEEEZ!!!