Feeling angry

I’m 5 and a half weeks out from loosing my baby girl at 20 weeks. This week I just feel so angry on top of feeling sad. I’m angry that this happened to me. I’m angry that the microarray testing what was done on my placenta to give us some answers as to why is still pending when my SIL got her results back last week on her baby with a heart defect that was delivered 6 days after me at same facility got her results last week! I’m angry that my work did not think ahead and help to ease my transition back next week. I feel like such a bitch trying to tell them what I need. When I had come back for maternity leave with my two older daughters, the old practice manager made sure my transition back was smooth without me having to say anything. I’m angry that some family members are insensitive to our ongoing grieving. I’m angry that I was half way through my last pregnancy when this happened. I’m angry that my husband wants to wait a little before we try again. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to get through the holidays if I’m not pregnant again. I also wanted all my kids before I turned 35. I will be 35 in September, which means I only have 3 months. I know I must sound so ridiculous. I just needed to vent. I don’t have my next counseling session until next week. I think this anger all comes from anxiety that I have to go back to work next week.