Finding god through infertility (maybe?)

I was raised an atheist. My parents are both anti religion and think all religions people are nut jobs... I do not share those beliefs, I became agnostic at about 15 years old as I was trying to figure out my beliefs.

Now I'm in my early 20s and I've been trying for baby number 1 for 3 years and 8 months and over the past few months I've been praying, a lot, to a god I thought I didn't believe in, but I felt compelled to pray, like I needed to, and even though a part of my brain is still saying that no one is listening I can't help but feel a weight lifted when I pray, it's helping me bring myself peace after each negative test and the patience to try again the next cycle.

Does anyone have a similar experience or some advice?

No judgement please