Pregnancy

I know there are those who are trying and I feel for you. I’m not trying to take away from your experience by expressing mine. Please I just need to vent out my heart about where I am.

I’m in week 16 and I’m excited about my baby. Although it doesn’t feel real at all since it’s my first and I have no navigation on what a baby means and right now I just don’t want to be pregnant anymore. I don’t want a miscarriage at all, I just don’t want to be pregnant anymore. I’m still sick. I’m in second trimester and I’m still throwing up, still have days, like today, where I can’t get out of bed. It’s so lonely. I talked to my midwife and she said it’s normal for women who are sick as long as I’ve been to go into depression. So here I am trying not to get depressed. But it’s hard.

I haven’t been able to work and lost my job a month ago. So add on the feeling of inadequacy. My husband has been great and I have a ton to be thankful for, but I’m sad all the time. I should be excited and happy looking forward to my baby but instead I’m sad. My mom passed away 3 years ago and I just wish she was here so she could help me. My house is a mess and even though I’m home I can’t get to it. I just want my mom here to take care of me.

Is it even possible to have postpartum before you even have the baby? What if this is just the beginning and I have postpartum even after baby is born? I’m scared. I want to enjoy my first time being a mom not be in the depths of sadness.

Has anyone else gone through pregnancy depression? What did you to do to help?