Go for it or not...

Married 4 years to a wonderful guy. I'm 36 and a very serious career woman. However, the pangs of motherhood are real, and the clock is ticking. I know I'm overdue and finally ready.

The thing is........ I cant stop thinking about my ex. We were off and on for 10 years and he has 2 kids in a now failing marriage. I held off getting pregnant subconsciously because I felt like I was waiting for him........ and another thing, hubby doesn't talk about having kids. It's been a non topic for these 6 years. I'm tired of the boring emptiness with hubby. (Our niece also had leukemia so that set us back... she's cured btw and healthy.) But we are very business like... structured and solid... but boring.

I still ache for my ex and wish it was my children with him. He was a bit of a ladies-man and I didn't think he had it in him but he does and we miss each other. We've recently talked and think things are possible... but I know I have a good man and good situation. My husband adores me. And I do love him. We've had a good relationship. Covid has been hard on us but overall we get along. We bought a house and we briefly talked about raising a family here but he isnt actively trying to get me pregnant. I may be sending mixed signals, especially with my job being crazy, but we havent taken the leap. I wake to a handmade latte before work and he has a nice * (you know). He is financially stable (so am I though), he is great.... but I'm bored out of my mind with hardly any sex, too much TV time and no soul-connection. We travelled and had fun but the last year has been lack-luster.

There are more details of course but curious what you all think. You can be honest but just be understanding that I didnt arrive here on a whim. This is a lifetime of being torn about my ex, and a lifetime ahead for which I have to be certain that I'm making the right call. Thank you ladies.