Pregnant again after stillbirth of my daughter at 20 weeks

In late July, when I was 20 weeks pregnant, we found out our daughter had a serious heart defect called tricuspid atresia with transposition of the great vessels. This ment that even if she survived multiple open heart surgeries as an infant, she would never live a normal life.

The doctors advised us to end the pregnancy and we did. I had to give birth to her and she was stillborn on the 24th of July 2020. This has been the worst time in my life and I am still not back to work.

For several months I still had pregnancy tissue remaining in my uterus and I was only “cleared” 3 weeks ago. I was going into my fertile period a couple of days later and finally we could give it a try.

Now just 2 weeks later I have a positive pregnancy test in my hand!! I can’t believe it happened on the first cycle! I am so happy about it but absolutely terrified! I am just crying and crying but it is both happy tears and sad tears. I am only 13 dpo so it is extremely new and I know so many things can go wrong in the first 12 weeks and unfortunately I also know now that you are not even safe after that. I don’t know why I am writing this but I guess I felt the need to share ❤️

I turn 30 next week and have all of my best friends over for a dinner party next weekend. I have to tell them because they will notice I am not drinking. But it is just so fragile and I am scared that it doesnt work out.. I lost so much belief that good things can happen for me.. lost my mother last year too.. Just really want to be happy and not worry ❤️