Abortion

Please no hate..

Last year in November I had my first child. He was born super premature. He was born at 25 weeks and we spent 3 months in the nicu, and before that I already spent a month in the maternity ward on strict bed rest. I had a lot of complications with my first pregnancy. Everything that could’ve went wrong in a pregnancy happened to me. My son will be one in a week, and he still has a lot of things ahead of him. He’s got heart surgery on December 1st.

Yesterday I found out I am pregnant. After having my first son I took all precautions, I got the iud, we used condoms, we were perfectly safe. I am not happy or excited to be pregnant. I’m so scared. I’m so traumatized from my first pregnancy, the thought of bringing another baby into this world with so much risks scares me. It’s not just me worried about the baby, I’m worried about my body. My body didn’t let me carry my first born past 25 weeks and my placenta didn’t attach itself right so he was growth restricted as well. Placenta previa, preeclampsia...

I’m not with my first borns father. We broke up when we pretty much got home from the nicu. I’m with a new guy and we’ve been together for 6 months. He has two wonderful girls we’re raising together as well as my son. He’s so happy for a baby. He wants this baby. He doesn’t understand what I’ve been through. I’m just so scared. We’ve talked . I tried. I just don’t know what more to say. I’ve said I don’t want to have this baby right now. I’ve said eventually down the road when we know that my son is okay, and older, that I’ll consider another child. I didn’t want it to happen like this :(

I want an abortion, not for selfish reasons, for medical and more of my mental health.. I’m just so stuck :(