Abortion experience

NOTE: in this post I’m explaining my personal experience with making my decision along with the process from beginning to end of my surgical abortion experience. I am also looking for advice on therapy.

Yesterday I had my first (and last) abortion. I decided to go the surgical route, I although it was very, very early and I could have taken the pill, I was worried I would be overwhelmed if it didn’t work and had to do the surgical anyway. I also live with my parents and so does my boyfriend, so I didn’t really have a place to be left alone and not raise concern if I was in severe pain for hours at home. Me and my boyfriend have been together for four years, and we’ve known each other for much longer. We’re both in our early/mid twenties and this is why our decision was so difficult, because we definitely are in a position that we would make it work if we had to, although we both felt that we aren’t ready even slightly and didn’t want to bring a life into the world unsure of how well we could handle it. This is something I will definitely get past & we do want to have kids one day in the future, but the whole experience is weighing on me mentally. I had to do a lot of lying, to my job, my family, and even certain friends. On top of that guilt I have the expected guilt of having to make this difficult decision. With this, I also am a bit traumatized about the whole experience. I definitely had a great crew of doctors, nurses and help from my own OBGYN. I am blessed that I was able to be put under anesthesia and so far I have not had any severe pain or bleeding. I have two reasons for this post- I would like to get some advice from the community on whether or not it is normal to seek counseling. I have seen a therapist in the past but for other reasons, I’m feeling very ashamed of myself and the whole experience is weighing on me heavily. Do I reach out to a regular therapist? Or do I seek a counselor that specializes on this subject? Please help me with any advice you can, I would like to leave this in the past and not have in linger in my mind forever.

Below I will tell my experience from beginning to end for any women that could use a little bit of insight on how the surgical process works and hopefully relieve any scary thoughts. Here it goes:

This past Monday I found out I was pregnant due to my friends suggesting I take a test because my period was a week and a half late. Late at night I grabbed two cheap tests from the super market, the first did not work.. hours later I take another, and to my surprise it was positive. I had support from some friends and we got some more tests- all 6 were positive. I spoke with my boyfriend that night & I call my OBGYN the next day. They had me come in that day for a blood test, and I waited 2 days for my results. When I spoke with my doctor Thursday over the phone she let me know that I was very early in my pregnancy and she offered me some resources. I was able to have off from work, and scheduled my surgical abortion with the clinic she recommended for Saturday (yesterday morning). Before going through with the process me and my boyfriend had many talks, many long days/nights of fear and uncertainty, but we ultimately decided that this was the right thing to do.

Saturday:

He drives me to the clinic and because of COVID he has to stay in the car in the parking lot. They start by taking a urine sample for testing, then they take you in for a sonogram. The internal sono is very quick and they do not show me the screen, or tell me exactly how far along I am. They tell you nothing, but knowing you are pregnant they move you along in the process. Next, you go for vitals, blood pressure, temperature, height, weight, allergies. So on. They also prick your finger for the hemoglobin test, then they make you drink (a very gross) small cup of liquid that is supposed to neutralize your stomach before the procedure. Once this is done they send you in to the counselor to make sure this is what you want, why you want it , and that nobody is forcing you to do this. They explain what will happen in the operating room- doctor, anesthesiologist, and nurses. They also may take your payment at this point depending on whether or not you go through insurance. Personally I did not go through insurance because I am still under my family’s policy and didn’t want to risk anyone finding out. I paid for the procedure confidentially as well as the shot I had to have afterward because I have a negative blood type. Next- you undress from the waist down again, and put on the robe. You empty your bladder one last time, and wait to go into the OR. Once they bring you in, your knees (not feet) go into very high stirrups, and immediately the anesthesiologist asks you questions and starts the IV. I was very nervous at this point and felt very exposed (obviously). But, within 2 minutes I was knocked out. I did not remember or feel a thing. While you are under they preform the procedure as well as doing to post operation sonogram as well as giving you the shot for women with RH negative blood types. This is only about 30 minutes. Afterward, you feel confused, gain consciousness, feel some cramping, drink juice, get a snack and rest for a bit. They make sure you’re not bleeding too much, have you get dressed and you can schedule your follow up and be picked up. My boyfriend came in to sign my out and get me out of there. After this I had cramping but they had given my Motrin which worked well, the bleeding was light. I ate, napped, and recovered well. Overall, the part weighing on me is that 2 minutes awake in the OR. I remember feeling so ashamed, nervous, and overwhelmed. I do feel grateful that I had access to these resources and that I was able to do this as painlessly as possible. And although I am still a bit anxious and overwhelmed I would hope that other girls can have an experience like me because other than the mental part it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I hope this is able to help anyone who needs to know how this process will work.