I always go here when I have no one else to talk to

I need to just vent. I know probably no one will see this. No one will respond. That’s okay. I just need to get this out there and I never like talking about my love life to my friends. At the beginning of quarantine I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time (let’s call him Phil). We were going back to our homes from school and it’s just not something I wanted to be worrying about. Anyways. Fast forward and we still aren’t together. Although that’s okay too. I met this other guy and kicked it off reallyyyyy well with him (let’s call him Bill). Keep in mind that Phil and I aren’t even talking at this point. I like Bill so much but a relationship is just not in store for us. It breaks me. It really does. Phil in the other hand just reached back out to me. We’ve been hanging and definitely flirting. I’ve even spent the night at his place a few times. Now I’m really just torn. I understand that I don’t have to decide. I understand that this shouldn’t even be a problem. I just can’t stop thinking about the situation. I don’t want to be with either but I want to be with both at the same time. I don’t think either of them like me very much. For one, Phil and I have never ever had sex. I’ve tried. I’ve tried talking to him about it. He always says he’s nervous and he’s even blamed me saying that I rushed into it. But I feel like that’s a bullshit excuse when we’ve known each other for over a year. Bill though, he can’t say nice things to me. It hurts a lot. He won’t say he misses me, he won’t say I’m pretty, any of that. Even if I know that he does. It’s just like why can’t you say that. I don’t even know. Feel free to comment. I need support. Kinda going crazy. I feel undesirable.