Rock and a hard place
So a few weeks ago, my partner got drunk, we had an argument, that afternoon my sister came over. Partner was being rude and disrespectful, in my opinion, with his friend on the phone. Discussing another female and what they would do to her, this female is said friends sister so I know its all jokes and male banter but given my history of body confidence and medical history, it hurt.
I confronted him, things got loud and he got nasty, name called and was spiteful. I asked him to leave as I wasn't being spoken to like that, especially in front of my sister.
Couple hours later, children are home from school and he returns, super drunk. Comes upstairs where our baby is napping and is being really loud, im quietly asking him to be quiet as I'm not having that around my children. He starts shouting and my sister tells him to calm down, kids dont need to see or hear him like that.
He then takes it upon himself to shout at her, name call and be nasty, my sister looses it then, comes upstairs and demands he go down stairs and calm down whilst I settle the baby again but he refuses, there's some pulling from her on his jacket and then some punches thrown. He doesn't touch her, keeps his arms above his head but he still shouts stuff at her. Finally get him down stairs and police turn up, they have had a call from his boss.. he called and told her he was going to kill himself so they came for a welfare check.
They end up arresting him on common assault because he pushed my sister back away from himself when she was in attack mode.
Everything is dropped and left alone and nothing is happening with it.
Nows the hard part, I used to spend most of my time with my sister, lunches, appointments, shopping, whatever but since this things have slowed down, out of respect for my oh and also because I'm annoyed with her that she could behave like that, in front of my children who she was trying to protect from him kicking off. He wants revenge as he feels she hasn't payed for what she has done to him. Thinks I should cut her off completely. He constantly talks bad about her, calls her names and wishes her dead. Iv asked time and time again not to as its disrespectful, shes still my sister. They are both in the wrong here, he shouldn't have behaved like he did and she should have had a little more control. If she was worried for the children she could have taken them out for a walk.
Hes told me he cant live like this any longer, her being in his life, meaning he wants to break up, unless I choose not to see her again. I know that's stupid and over reacting and wayyy extreme but what do I do?
Iv tried seeing her away from the house, not having her in when he's home but it's not enough, he wants her gone completely.. please any help, suggestions on what to do or say would be a massive help.
I won't be choosing him over my sister, shes my sister and I won't loose her over a man, but I dont want to loose him either.
Update... not in any way am I choosing him over my sister. I'm mad at her for her actions but we still talk daily, see eachother at least once a week. Things between her and myself are fine. Its the issue of him not being comfortable in his own home, with her in the house. Iv tried to compromise, see her away from the house, only have her round for a special event, birthdays etc. But he's now saying that she needs to pay for what she's done to him, given him ptsd... blah blah blah
He hasn't ever been like this before, my sister just has a super short fuse and takes no shit for anyone, unsure if that's good or bad lol.
Hes not a drinker, he hasn't had a drink for over 2 years and this time was a one off that started over his depression and anxiety and money worries.