I’m not entirely sure where to begin on this. I’m in my freshman year of college and it’s been an absolute nightmare. I’m borderline failing (if not actually failing) a majority of my classes and I can’t pick myself up.

For some clarification, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD after noticing some significant changes a few years ago that have impacted me significantly. This impact has mostly been to my school life. I was a 4.0 student and I never had issues and suddenly I was unable to remember anything and I couldn’t motivate myself to do my work or keep focused on it when I was finally able to start.

These issues have only worsened now that everything is online at my university. It is genuinely my worst nightmare. I don’t retain information as well when it’s not being communicated to me verbally or through physical writing/textbooks. It’s posed a big problem. I know it may take me longer to graduate now because of this. Unless I take up a ridiculous amount of classes (which will probably be too much for me and I’ll get burnt out) or work throughout the summers (which I don’t have much of an issue doing tbh). Even if it takes me longer, I want to get my degree. I’m currently exploring different things to cope with the ADHD and am currently taking some meds that I’m hoping will be helpful.

It’s just really difficult to not be hard on myself for it. I blame myself for all of it even though my therapist has tried time and time again to tell me that its not that I’m lazy or dumb it is that I have a neurological issue that handicaps my ability to do these kinds of things like normal people could. It’s made my depression and anxiety worsen to lows that even I haven’t experienced in such a long time. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that I’m going to have to drop out of college and that I’m going to disappoint both my family and myself. I love to learn and what I’m going for means everything to me but being unable to do things because of something I’m struggling to understand has been such a burden and I don’t want to lose myself trying to fix myself.