Really struggling

I find myself crying on my way home from work everyday. Or when I'm alone at night in bed. I wanted so badly to be a mother. After multiple losses and infertility treatments I was blessed with a perfect little girl last December and I feel like I am failing her. She deserves everything and I am falling short. We had a rough start, I had ppd and didn't bond right away. But I kept at it and it got better. Then covid hit. My husband has since lost his job. We are financially strapped and I find myself buying used toys for Christmas and her upcoming first birthday. It makes me feel awful. She gets so excited on the rare occasion she sees other kids, but of course the few times she has, interaction has been limited. It breaks my heart that something so simple (playing with others) and that brings her so much joy has to be denied. I love her so much and I just feel like I'm failing her. I know these things are out of my control. I know that ultimately she is loved, and fed, and healthy and warm and that is most important but what I think and what I feel are 2 very different things. On a selfish note, I hate that I didn't get to take her to meet the Easter bunny or see the St. Patrick's Day parade, or that Thanksgiving wasn't what it normally was and Christmas won't be either. This is certainly not how I envisioned my first year of motherhood. I'm just struggling with it all. Thanks for letting me vent