Grateful

I've had a lot of bad in my life. I keep a lot of it to myself. Most of it my family has no idea about. This has caused me to be shy and reserved as a person. It makes it especially hard when I'm alone at night with all of my thoughts and memories. My boyfriend always wondered why I would go to sleep before ten or sooner when I'm with him but stay up until 2am without him. I always told him it was because he makes me feel safe and comfortable therefore I'm able to sleep peaceful. He didn't completely understand still. He thought maybe I get bored with him which is not the case. He is my best friend and we joke all the time. Well during covid this year his sister got covid so I stayed home to social distance. While being at home one late night on Twitter, a trend was going around. It was a trend about people telling their age. The age they were when they were sexual assaulted or molested. This post stuck with me but I didnt let my boyfriend know instead I started getting depressed then got therapy. After a few months, I finally got the courage to tell him. I was molested at ages 3,5, and 7. What a relief it was! This guy is the best guy ever. He just held me, cried for me, kissed me and told me how brave I was. He is the only person besides a childhood friend that knows. I'm so blessed to have him. Who would know that a few weeks later that I was going to get covid and separate from him again. (We are used to sleeping next to each other for 5 to 6 times a week minimum.) Even though I still prefer to have him by my side at night, I don't have those thoughts hurting me at night anymore.. I'm proud of myself. I am a survivor and I'm not letting my past affect my emotions if I can stop it.

A little detail: I'm 24. He is 31. We both live with our families but spend a lot of time together. Have been dating for about a year and ten months. We do see marriage in the future but just not yet.