I lost myself...

Dec. 8 2020... Worst day of my life. If only I could of seen the signs... if only I would of never left my mom by herself... I have so much regret so much anger.. and so much guilt... I lost my mom that day. She was only 49 years old. I lost myself that day... I'm alive but I feel like I'm dead. I can not see myself living without her. I have 2 beautiful kids (5yr old girl/2month old boy) that I'm trying so hard to live for, and I can't find myself. I cry everyday since that day. My mom was my everything. The most wonderful lady anyone could of met. I wake up and feel as if I'm living a nightmare everyday. I still daydream about going back in time. I look at my kids and try to find the strength I need to keep on going forward and I can not. I can not keep on pretending. I lost myself.. I do not have the strength.. and I don't know what to do... I just want my mom back.. my world.. my life.. my strength.. she definitely was my everything.. my bestfriend.. I miss you so so much mom.