So about 3 weeks ago my MIL asked if we could all donate to causes in someone's name instead of gifts. She explained we would each pick a cause and that is where the donation would be for.

I was caught off guard as we don't normally do gift exchanges and told her that I would speak to my husband about it and he will get back to her.

Well no matter what I said he didn't want to deal with his mom and her gift exchange idea. As we don't normally exchange gifts and this year was tight as it was. We are super low risk for COVID and they didn't want to see us for Christmas (but they have been doing other things and just recently got over COVID from being too social.)

So today rolls around and we are with half of our family for Christmas. We all get a text from MIL saying she donated in all our names to a cause none of us are for and where we can send our donation for her to.

This catches everyone off guard as out of 3 families she only spoke to me about this. So everyone is super upset she gave money to this organization and now expects us all to give to another that we don't support. When this year has been really hard for most of us and we don't exchange gifts.

So I told my husband he has to handle his mom and I am not responding to her. That she clearly was under some interpretation from my silence and never speaking to anyone else about this. That it makes me feel terrible. We already have a very rough relationship and I don't want to make it worse. How would you handle this? My husband refuses to donate no matter what, our 1 year old did make her an ornament and we did bake her cookies.

Update: my hormones are crazy right now pregnant and with heart issues I am not supposed to be getting stressed right now. I honestly just don't even want to bring her the cookies or ornament but have my husband this weekend since she didn't want to see us.

2nd update: MIL called husband. Conversation went like this. Ya we got your text. Yes, she told me your idea. She told you to talk to me about it too. That we don't exchange gifts. That I read what you donated to. Nope, not her fault, you and I should have talked. Talk to you later bye.

It was straight to the point he said she sounded nervous. I guess she asked to see our son he didn't plan anything as she refuses to come to our home where I am. I am pregnant and high risk so we don't get out much. Husband wasn't really going to jump hoops to make her feel better and plan something for her as she literally sat home Christmas day by her self but would risk seeing us after Christmas makes no sense. Again we are super isolated and couldn't be safer for her to see. He wasn't playing with her control games. He asked me how stressed I was and told him it would break my heart if when our son's grow up they ignored me. That half of her lashing out is because of that with you. That she doesn't blame you for not seeing her she will blame me just like when we moved out of her county she blamed me for moving 30 minutes away not you. I love my husband and he is a great husband and father. He just has no time for her nonsense as he sees it.

Thanks everyone for your advice and I can't win them all and we still had a great Christmas with those who mean so much to us. We made my mom cry Christmas as we made a donation towards her new wheelchair. Our son had a permanent smile. And we did what mattered most at Christmas and that was be thankful for Christ and family. It wasn't about gifts and it definitely wasn't about pettiness. Today we played in the snow and these memories cost nothing but time. Many blessings to you all.