Growing up I was always the odd one out but not in a good way. I was the youngest, the unfunny one, the one who tried too hard to be the favorite but could never come close to my siblings and cousins. My oldest sister just got married and I started feeling the same feelings I did when I was younger. I get depressed around my family, my middle sister (not the one who got married) in particular bc she always topped me. Even at our sisters wedding now that we are all adults she was the center of attention the funny one the creative one the smart one the beautiful one. I'm the quiet one, the unimportant one, the one that isn't interesting enough. I don't act depressed around them, I'm nice, I laugh and joke but I always get shoved away. I might as well have a personality of a doorknob around them is what it feels like. My whole life I wanted to run away bc when I cried I got scolded, when my sister cried she got a puppy. As adults when I have an issue, I'm not to be taken seriously, when she does it's serious that's why I give no personal information anymore bc why... I still want to run away and I love them so much but I've been crying for the past three days bc being around them again sparked the sadness I had while I was younger of feeling alone though I'm not physically alone. I feel panicky and have so much anxiety thinking about the little things that proved she was the favorite to literally everyone we meet together. I feel sick thinking about it. The reason I haven't had social media since I was like 14 besides this and snapchat is bc I see my family communicating on there and making each other laugh and I feel jealous bc my whole life I just wanted to be liked by them. Idk there's so much more I could add but I'm not going to get into specific things that make me feel this way. Sorry that was long lol I just needed to rant

I'm trying to just focus on my me and my husband but it's hard sometimes