Do your parents or one parent guardian talk genuine to you hold conversation and listen care?

Do you feel listened to loved?

Do feel like you can talk to them and they can talk to you about anything?

I have two parents my dad he has some trauma in the past and he drank his problems away was an alcoholic but sobered up when he did he locked himself away and kept to himself stays in the garage practically lives there.

My mom she always likes to stay busy can't stop as children she would tell us to play together or watch TV we spent most of our childhood outside alone in the backyard and in the house alone watching TV. I felt like the TV was my parent.

I didn't fit in at school I guess because I had to use my imagination to not feel so lonely and I was shy and quiet back then my mom would hit me for talking and even to go shopping she would leave me inside the car.

I remember she got a job and would leave me home alone I felt so afraid alone at those times.

Now as an adult I try to talk to her but she doesn't allow conversation in all these years she hasn't spent quality time with me which all I want is a conversation. I remember her mother my grandmother came to visit she would have conversation with her laugh and watch movies together happy. I told her this on new years hey I want us to spend family time together and she yelled at me that she spends enough time with me I was crying she didn't care accused me of being jealous of her mom.

All I want is to have someone who listens and cares someone who can laugh bond with me.

I don't know can this be from postpartum depression for life towards that baby?

She told me children come from love, passion, then just come along unwanted and can't get an abortion because its not right she has three children I was the last she explained to me that I came along for no reason I wasn't planned she hide the pregnancy from the family after had her tubes tied put a implant some form of birth control. I always wondered why she treated me badly. When she would cook I was served the smallest portions I had to be the last served I served myself first one time and she screamed at me who do you think you are you get the last the leftovers.

I don't know I feel like as a child it's important to feel loved, cherished not growing up with it has effects on children my brother also told her that her never felt loved he cried and left that day used drugs and was sentenced accused of murder, I asked her if you had spent more time with him do you think you could have prevented this? She said no its his fault.

He asked her to spend time with him watch a movie together and he asked me why I told him I don't know most time I spend by myself in this lonely house watch TV to get away from over thinking and sleep I told him that the church was her new family that's where she spends all her time.

I was depressed crying he would ask me to spend time with him but I felt so broken, I just wanted to sleep in my room get away from the pain being lonely is so painful, he started going out making friends and the friendships to stay friends led to all this and he was not guilty.

With all these feelings I wanted to talk to my mom but she just doesn't make the time.

With friendships when I was going to college most majority friends had going to parties getting drunk going to bars road trips having wild sex and I wasn't into any of that the other friends had children and couldn't spend time w friends. So I felt lonely I met girls at church to befriend but they were aloof and once they got engaged married it was all about their partner the honeymoon phase.

So that's why to me my mom was important, I've thought about asking her to see a phycologists or do family counseling but since I'm the sensitive one she said you go. But I want a psychologist open her mind and talk to her as a mother how's her relationship with each of her adult children.

We have an oldest brother and he doesn't call her not even on the holidays that's the only one she gets upset about and because of how she treated him and us that's why he won't call.

Well advice is welcome as to heal