Miserable

I’m 36 weeks pregnant with baby #2. Totally planned. But I don’t even know if I want to be a mom of two right now. I’m miserable. My husband has been holed up in the bedroom for three days now. Once he said he didn’t feel well. Then yesterday he just I don’t know, does what he wants. Today he is upset because we lost money on our investments.

My world doesn’t get to stop because I have a bad day. I still have to take care of a toddler and clean the house and cook. I am trying to prepare for this second child, but I just feel stressed or numb. There’s no excitement. No joy.

I don’t know that I can depend on him to step up. He has always loved our daughter more than anything, but today he blamed her for losing $600 in investing. Because he was watching her and couldn’t sell at the appropriate time. He threw a fit in front of her and said he hated his life.

I don’t get to complain. Because I stay home. Because we have a nice house and nice things and I want for nothing. I don’t get to complain, I have to be happy and thankful, and grateful.

Well, I’m not. I’m miserable. If he doesn’t care we have another child on the way, why do I have to?